I haven't been on in a while... been feeling a bit lost and.. not really confused, but I guess.. reflective would be a good term for it. For the past month or so I have been viewing all my usual habits as nothing more than distractions. Watching anime & movies, surfing the web, chatting & posting to social media, even playing video games.. they all seem like nothing more than distractions to me. It all feels so FAKE- Mainly because that is EXACTLY what they are-
What is one doing when on social media..? or when playing video games..? or when watching something on some screen...? They're sitting on their arses doing nothing at all or pretending they're someone else in a different world! Sure- Such distractions are fun & enjoyable.. and if such moments are shared with others they can be truly memorable. However, such activities do nothing more than allow one to remain lazy & sit around doing nothing. They prevent one from truly living at all- Something that I have come to find more & more aggravating of late...
Before, when I posted to this blog, I always endeavored to be positive & only share the good things, sharing my progress, wanting to make a good impression.. I always hide behind a smile & positive words without sharing my innermost thoughts & feelings. I used to fear what others might think of me if they were to know of my darker tendencies.. of my demons... I feared how my words & actions might reflect badly on those whom I look up to, or on those who consider me a friend. Well- No longer!
I no longer care whether or not what I post is accepted or viewed positively- I don't even know if people even read this thing! I no longer care if someone tries to use my words or posts against me- I stand by them proudly! If what I say is factually wrong, then by all means.. correct me by providing me with the facts- However, if anyone simply disagrees with what I write, I ask them to remember that my perspective & view on life is far different from many. I do not seek to judge others for their actions or the way they live their lives, for I know that everyone sees this world & life differently from myself. I'm just tired of hiding behind false pretenses & smiles when in my mind & heart I sometimes want to lash out at the world for its stupidity-
I even considered deleting this blog recently... However, a trusted friend of mine told me I should keep it. He told me that I should use it as a memoir, so that in the future I can come back to it when I go to write my life's story. He's been a wonderful advisor & has given me splendid counsel. I've shared with him some of my thoughts & my past and he told me that I should share my wisdom, knowledge, & life experiences with others. He explained that there are many out there who might benefit from my words & perspective. For this, I am grateful~ I am by no means perfect- Far from it, in fact! But what I do know is that this world.. our world.. & the way our "First World" society is... many people are suffering & countless are lost.. & if I can be but one small beacon of light for those who can still see, then that is what I shall be-
From now on, I will only post when the fancy strikes me- I won't just share my progress with Dream Ship, I will also share my innermost thoughts, feelings, & insights. If the number of silver hairs I now possess represent anything, then I guess I've got a great amount of wisdom to share. Some that know me, know me to be a bit of a philosopher... yet this is a part of me that I rarely share. No longer- I'm tired of hiding! I tired of the fear of being rejected! I tired of fearing that I might live the rest of this life alone as I have felt throughout most of my life! NO MORE! If the rest of the world is unable to accept me..? SO BE IT! I've stood up time & again over countless occasions in the past- No longer will I allow myself to fall. Never again will my knees hit the ground!
& if I must remain standing alone.... then I shall do so strongly & proud, knowing that my strength provides so many others with support! I have my friends now. I have my nakama- & they all depend on me for strength & reassurance. I refuse to let them down! Knowing that they are there gives me all the strength I need to continue standing tall. Though I may be alone in love.. though I may feel like crumbling to the ground in tears of agony from loneliness & longing... My nakama need me- I am not truly alone! & no matter what- I shall never allow myself to to even consider breaking down anymore!
I shall be that lone solid pillar of steel & stone. A beacon of light for the rest of the world. Others may not see it or they may not like it, but there are those that I know have come to depend on it. No longer will I sit back allowing myself to be distracted by this society's lazy indulgences- No longer will I sit daydreaming & wishing I could live an adventurous life like the characters in my favorite stories- From now on, I shall be focused on MY dream & actually LIVING it for a change, not just wishing for it! Never again shall I fear what consequences my actions & words my bring- I shall simply take responsibility for them & live as I please! No matter what this world may throw at me from now on- I shall stand proud & tall facing the waves as they crash around me!
No more Ms. Nice Girl- She is now gone!
Instead..? Get ready for what's real & raw- Aria D Gaia... bastion to the world.. & protector of souls..
I can help you if you feel lost- But only if you first wish to save yourself from it all.
LIVE YOUR DREAMS!
-Aria D Gaia