Thursday, March 31, 2016

Some things you should know..

As I open myself up to being available to others as a Life Coach, I feel it is important that I share with you some details about myself... because.. how can one really know that I will understand what they are going through if they know nothing about what I have been through myself?

I have not always been the bright, cheerful, & positive person I am today- If you had met me back in 2008 or before, you would have found a woman who was barely even a shadow of herself.. empty.. sad.. lost.. & utterly alone.. but who hide it so well that no one else ever even knew- I once honestly & completely, whole-heartedly believed that I never should have been born & was nothing but an unloved burden upon the whole world & those who knew me.. :'( I fit in with The Semi-Colon Project perfectly-

Hard to believe right? 

Well, I assure you.. it is true- I would never lie about something as heart-rending as this. The only thing I had going for me was my stubbornness & my unrelenting tenacity to prove everyone else wrong- No one ever believed in me before. Not even my own family. Not even myself! Ironic, right!? Stubborn as hell, yet I hardly even believed in myself at all. I eventually realized in college that I had a problem & that I probably needed some serious help, but I believed & feared that the docs would simply put me on drugs and wave me on; that they'd not listen nor care at all about me as a person.. So I never sought help and was determined to face my problems on my own-

I grew up with no one at all that I could lean on, no one who would help me, no one who showed me that they cared, & no one that I felt I could truly trust to be there when I needed them most.. So I was forced to learn how to stand on my own & brave the storms of life with my own strength & tenacity. It was not the least bit easy.. & there came a time when I was perilously close to giving up & calling it quits. One more bad storm & I'd have walked off the top of my dorm room building.. literally... just as another student had done a few years prior that I had all but witnessed in person as she had lived in my very same dorm..

It was on Feb 23rd, 2010 that I found my salvation- :) You see.. I knew that what I felt was wrong & that it wasn't how things were meant to be, so I desperately searched high & low for years for something.. ANYTHING!! ..that would give me just a touch bit more hope to make it through another day. Music was my greatest source of hope & helped me cope through so much heartache. Thus, I was constantly searching for new songs, new lyrics that would fill me with a sense of hope & peace, to help me cry when I knew I needed to, to help me vent when my anger was boiling over, & to help me to believe in the world & myself again. It was during one of these searching moments that I found my ultimate salvation~

It was completely random how it happened too! I was actually searching for Beyonce's song Halo, when a completely different song popped up labelled "Why did I fall in love with you? (Beyonce Halo Knock-off) by Tohoshinki"... I was floored...! I thought to myself.. "Tohoshinki? That's Japanese! I LOVE J-pop!", so I clicked on it out of curiosity. Immediately it filled me with joy & love, along with a sense of sadness & longing as it was a song about unrequited love, so I looked up the song on YouTube with English subs to have a better understanding of the lyrics.. & I laughed! Truly laughed! For the first time in what seemed like forever as I saw that Tohoshinki was literally an Asian version of The Backstreet Boys, my favorite teenage dream band when I was a teen. ^_^

Excited by my newfound interest, I looked up more of their music and the very next song I listened to was their song "Love in the Ice"........... & that was when my whole life changed.......... <3

The lyrics to that song were words I had been waiting my whole entire life to hear... Just a few lines into the song & I was bawling my eyes out.. The deep, penetrating, & cleansing kind of cry that I had be unable to accomplish on my own.. Even to this day, even in this very moment as I type, I still well up in fresh tears as I remember & relive that moment.... For 20 whole minutes I wept & wept until I could cry no longer.. and when I once again raised my head up from the table where I sat..? It was as if the entire world had changed in that one short instant-

All the pain, the sadness, the darkness, the chains & bars which had kept me imprisoned in my own personal hell..... it was all.. gone... Just... GONE! POOF! NADA! The world was suddenly bright, warm, welcoming, & so full of love! Both inside & out, my entire world had done a complete 180 degree turn. I became filled with light, hope, positivity, & passion! :D My self-confidence & self-belief soared to such great heights that I have yet to ever come down from the clouds~ & now here I am... just 6 years later~ Chasing my dreams & living the life I always knew was what I should be living! ^_^ But it wasn't really the song that saved me...

Over these past few years, I have come to realize that the song was really just that perfect trigger that I had needed in order to fire the already fully-loaded & bursting to the brim canon of my very own heart & soul. I had already packed my heart, mind, & soul so full of all the various thoughts & things I had needed in order to change myself & my life all those previous years beforehand when I had refused to give up... I had only been missing the trigger I had needed to fire it all off! Well- I can tell you... I am so very glad I found it. I never once expected to find it in the form of a song, but I did... & each person's trigger is different-

Be you a soul that merely needs help & advice to help you puzzle your way through accomplishing dreams you have already set in motion... Or someone who desperately needs another kindred spirit to have your back & give you that extra boost to climb up out of your own darkness... I've got your six- :)

All you need do is ask it~

LIVE YOUR DREAMS!

-Aria D Gaia