Tuesday, October 20, 2015

My health & worries..

With the results of today's tilt table test still fresh in my mind.. I am beginning to realize that my health is not as good as I thought it was. There's a high probability that once all the exams & tests are done that the cardiologist will give me a prescription to take daily in order to regulate my heart. You see, I have a heart condition known as NeuroCardioGenic Syncope, or Syncopy for short... & that may not be all that's wrong with my heart.. :/

What my condition basically entails is that the signals my nerves send to my heart when I am under stress get jumbled & my heart doesn't know what to do, thus causing it to do the opposite of what it should do. For example, when a person gets too dehydrated their blood pressure drops. This is when your nerves are supposed to tell your heart to beat faster in order to regulate your blood pressure and keep up the optimum blood flow throughout your body. Well...? My heart doesn't do that. 

When I get too dehydrated or stressed causing my blood pressure to drop the electrical signals to my heart telling it to beat faster get jumbled.. causing my heart to get confused which then causes it to slow down dropping my heart rate & blood pressure to rock bottom lows within seconds. This in turn causes me to  first get dizzy, then to black out & collapse if I don't stop & rest immediately. If it's bad enough.. I could go into cardiac arrest. This is why I'm not allowed to have caffeine or alcohol. Too much caffeine & I can have a heart attack. Too much alcohol & I can go into cardiac arrest.

Basically, My heart doesn't know how to regulate itself thanks to faulty wiring- :(

It's something I was born with, so I've lived with it my whole life. However, it's not a condition that is constant. Some days I'm totally fine & could practically run a marathon~ Other days.. I can hardly get out of bed without the whole world spinning around my head. On my good days, I'm all gung ho & ready to take on the world. On my not-so-good days, I worry that my health won't allow me to accomplish my dreams..

If I am given medication by my new cardiologist..... I may seriously have to reconsider my sailing venture. I've gone 8 years without meds, but the heat this past summer with me working hard outside all day long as a park ranger really took it's toll on me. I am beginning to fear what might happen on the ship if we're caught out in a storm & my heart condition suddenly kicks in. Who will take care of my child? Who will take care of my crew? If I'm taken down by my condition, who will lead them & watch over them? What will happen to them..& to me?

As much as I long for adventure & to travel, the lives on my future child & my crew are far more important to me. If something were to happen to me... what would happen to them....? :'(

So now.. Now I'm wondering if I might have to reconsider how I go about accomplishing my sailing venture. Before I wanted to cut ties with everything & just live self-sufficient & free upon the sea with no rules other than my own. Now..? If my health requires that I must take medication in order to remain stable & healthy, then I will have to either find a way to keep up with my health insurance, thus requiring a job or lots of money... or I will have to find a natural alternative for the medicine. As long as I take things easy & go at my own pace, I'm fine without meds- :) Well.. For the most part anyway~

I will also have to make sure that I have a 2nd in command on the ship that will be able to take over if anything should happen to me. Someone who will watch over my future child & crew as if they were family as I would. With several of my crew mates now no longer sure that they will be joining me on my venture, that position is now in question.. 

*heavy sigh* ......................... :(

I'm at a loss..... :'( I refuse to give up my dreams! However... my dreams may need to evolve into something more modern than I had originally intended. I was hoping to escape the current standards of living & bring back the simpler days of old sailing upon the sea, just using more modern technology for energy & fresh food on board. Now though.. I may have to do something a bit different....

That's ok though~ :) As long as I can become a mother & travel the world helping people, I don't care how I go about it. If I have to split my sailing adventure into shorter legs only spending a few months at sea rather than whole years at a time, then so be it~ If that's what it takes to make my dreams come true, then that's just what I'll do! :D I've decided that I shall try to specialize as an artist. Right now I dabble in all forms of art, but that makes it hard for me to gain greater talent in any one form. I absolutely LOVE upcycling! <3 So that's what I'll focus on~ ;)

Upcycling old things into new doesn't limit me on what I can make. I like that- :) It only limits what materials I use to create my pieces. The things I like to make most are unique dresses & accessories~ :3 So my upcycling work will focus on hand-made items for use or wear. ^_^ I consider stuffed toys accessories as well, so I'll still be making bears, bunnies, & more for the kids~ ;) Basically, all these things require sewing & I sew everything by hand. Jewelry making will be the only thing that won't require sewing, but I'll continue doing that as well. :)

Recently, I've decided to purchase land in Hawai'i~ ^_^ I've found perfect barren lava rock property there that I can easily afford to purchase within a year, so I'm going to do so. I see it as an investment~ ;) Also, it'll put me in the Pacific which is where I wish my home port to be for when I take to the sea. Not only that, Hawai'i is by far my most favorite state! I've lived there for a year when I was a child & I've yet to find a place better- :3 Once there, I will look at starting up my own little art studio where I will sell my creations. :) I may have even found a business partner who has already expressed interest in moving to Hawai'i with me~ <3

I also wish to start writing~ I've been a daydreamer my whole entire life & I can create the most wonderful worlds & epic stories! I just haven't been able to get myself to focus on just one story long enough to actually see it through.. so I'll have to work on that. :3 If I can write a good book & become a decent author, I can use that as a source of income as well. I've also made all kinds of retirement plans, including a 1/2 acre farm & hosting hot air balloon tours from my own back yard with a balloon I shall build myself! XD

So even though my current health situation has me a little worried about how to go about my future endeavors, I still have a lot of ideas, hopes, & aspirations. I will find a way to make it all happen! I know I will! :D I've done everything else I've set my mind to & no stupid genetic heart condition is going to stop me now or ever! ;) Dream Ship WILL happen & the D.S. Sunny Freedom WILL sail! & when I retire? I shall retire to the D.S. Mini Merry & the D.S. Sky Rider, my smaller private sailing vessel & my future hot air balloon~ ^_^


-Aria D Gaia