Lately, I've been pushing myself super hard & constantly on the go, go, go. I've been traveling to see family or entertaining family at home. Been running all over to spend time with friends & loved ones. At work, I've been pushing myself to do more & more, despite the heat and my slowly failing health.. Now I'm sick. I nearly pushed myself to the point of developing Pneumonia.. & it's taught me something...
I need to slow down-
I'm happiest going at my own pace which is leisurely & allowing myself to absorb the wonder of life & the world around me. When I force myself to go, go, go at the speed of the rest of this fast paced world, I wind up becoming so stressed out that I get sick..... & for some reason it always seems to happen at the end of Summer when the season turns to Autumn once more.. :/ Weird- Anyway!
Sitting here, sick at home, I've been reviewing my vision for my dreams: to be a mother; to sail the world; to live life self-sufficiently as a hunter, gatherer, farmer; to make a difference in the world around me... & all of them.. ALL of them! I have always envisioned accomplishing at my usual slow, leisurely pace. Life is NOT a race! No matter how hard I push myself, nothing's going to get accomplished any faster & I'll only succeed in stressing myself out & making myself sick in the process. That is NOT what I want-
I've come to realize that I have another wish intertwined within my dreams... & that is to live my life happily, to experience all I can, & to see all the wonder & magic in life that exists all around. If I'm always on the run, how am I ever to see all that? I can't- Running around like everyone else does here in America causes me to miss the little things.. the tiny things.... The kinds of things one can only see when they are completely absorbed in the moment.
Like... the little butterfly that flutters across my path.. or the new blossoming flowers that weren't there the day before.. the little girl smiling & laughing as she shows her mom her new toy.. or the couple picking on each other as they browse through the store.. the feel of the cool breeze across my skin & through my hair.. or the feel of the rain as it falls upon me & all around.. the sound of birds singing or waves crashing upon the shore.. It is those tiny little things that bring my life joy~ :3
It is for this reason that I refuse to work a 2nd job ever again, even though I know for a fact that it would allow me to save up a lot more money a lot faster. It is why I constantly like to get away from this fast paced world and sit quietly among nature or people watch here in town. Constantly being on the run like most people are these days, is for me a one way ticket to living a life stressed out, sick, & exhausted. I need my slow, leisurely pace & time to myself among nature in order to stay healthy & happy~
So- From now on.. I refuse to overexert myself as I have been this past summer. I'm going to work at MY pace. NOT someone else's- I will live each & every one of my dreams & fulfill all of my wishes in my way & not worry about what anyone else thinks or says about my pace or way of life. I may not seem like an overachiever at work, but I also won't be a slacker. I'll do my part and contribute to the park in my own way. :) No more trying to live up to everyone else's standards- I'm going to live by MINE! ;)
LIVE YOUR DREAMS!
-Aria D Gaia